To Lose is to Find
by Chibi StarLyte
Summary: Right after he finally found Riku, Sora lost him again...for good. Set after KH2. Major Character Death warning.


I wrote this like a year and a half ago and posted it on AO3, but forgot to cross post it here. So here ya go.

Based on a prompt I received from a friend on tumblr, "Kingdom Hearts + ghost/living person AU," and I went super angsty with it.

Not beta'd. All errors are my own.

Enjoy!

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The waves lapped against his bare feet, his toes digging into the soft, eroded sand. It was warm, but the sea breeze kept the air cool. Sora was leaning back on his arms, face tilted toward the sky with his eyes closed, soaking up the sun. the squawking of seagulls was intermittent, interrupting the constant sound of waves swelling in the ocean and surging up to the shore.

He really missed it here, at home. Traveling from world to world was a grand adventure-and he was one of the lucky few who could see all these different places. But there was something peaceful about sitting on the beach where he'd spent most of his life. It welcomed him like family, and he graciously accepted the comfort it brought him after all the hardships he'd endured.

There was just one thing missing, though. Something-someone-that he could never get back.

The small smile on his face took a downward turn; the sun no longer felt warm on his bronzed skin. His blue eyes slid open to gaze out at the sea, searching for something he couldn't find.

Sora leaned forward, bringing in his now lanky legs to sit cross-legged. He brought his arms around front, letting his elbows sag against his knees and his hands rest in his lap. He almost wanted to curl in on himself, hold his knees close and hide away from the world for a bit. But he'd already spent too long grieving.

Losing Riku was just...too much.

Losing his friend the first time was hard enough. When Destiny Islands had been swallowed by the darkness that night, Sora reached and reached for Riku's hand as the shadows engulfed his friend.

But it wasn't enough.

Then he'd woken in Traverse Town, intent on finding his friends. He'd lost both Riku and Kairi in the storm, but he was sure he'd find them. He knew they had to have made it off the island; he hadn't lost them for good.

Then, he'd lost Riku a second time. To his own darkness.

Being on the opposing side hurt Sora in more ways than he ever admitted to anyone. Having to fight his best friend was something Sora never wanted to do again. But unless Riku saw reason, unless he could fight against the darkness possessing his heart, it was like fighting a losing battle.

When Riku finally came to his senses and found his way back to the light, Sora lost him a third time.

Every bit of him-his mind, his spirit, his heart-screamed not to close that door. He couldn't trap Riku and the king in the realm of darkness. He couldn't leave them there to fight alone, to...to possibly _die_.

He couldn't lose Riku. Not again.

But logic overrode his emotions. If he didn't close the door, the darkness would destroy everything. He couldn't let that happen. Especially after all the time he spent defending the realm of light against it.

So, he did what Riku told him to do. He closed the door with his best friend trapped on the other side.

Unbidden tears welled up in Sora's eyes, and he wiped at them with the heel of his hand before they could escape his eyes. The sea breeze swept through his core, it felt like, causing him to shiver.

He spent so long looking for Riku. After awakening from his year-long sleep, every last ounce of his energy went to finding Riku. Sure, there was the whole business with Organization XIII that took precedence, but Sora never forgot his true mission. That drive was what kept him going, got him through everything up until he, Donald, and Goofy arrived in The World That Never Was.

The tears came flooding back as Sora remembered the moment he realized he'd found Riku. He broke down then, clutching Riku's hand so tightly, intent on never, ever letting go again.

 _"I looked everywhere for you."_

Sora pulled his knees up, hiding his face as the tears poured freely now. His breath came in heaves and gasps as he sobbed.

Right after he finally found Riku, he lost him again...for good.

They defeated Xemnas together, but not before Riku was badly injured during the fight. He could barely walk, having to use Sora for support as they traversed through the darkness. When they reached the beach with black sand, the moon reflecting off the sea as their only source of light, Riku collapsed.

Sora remembered their conversation word-for-word, his last minutes with Riku burned forever into his memory. He remembered the fond manner in which Riku spoke as they talked about their friendship, about how much they admired and respected one another…

...how much they loved each other.

The tears kept coming, and Sora was powerless to stop them now.

"Shh…"

Sora's head shot up. He was certain he heard someone just then, but there was no one around. He was completely alone on the beach.

Maybe it was just the wind.

Suddenly, he felt warm. Warmer than the sun's rays shining on him. Like someone was hugging him from behind. He could swear he felt arms around him.

"Sora...why are you crying?" a voice said in his ear. A phantom voice that sounded so much like Riku's. Maybe Sora was going crazy.

"Riku?" Sora asked in desperation. As soon as the name left his lips, the warmth around him disappeared. A moment later, a misty figure appeared before him, ethereal in the sunlight. A familiar face stared back at him, aquamarine eyes piercing but gentle.

Sora couldn't breathe.

"Riku…?" he asked hesitantly. He reached up to touch the ghost in front of him.

Riku gave a single nod and a faint smile played across his pale lips. He reached up for Sora's hand with his own ghostly appendage. When they touched, Sora felt the same warmth he felt moments ago. And though his tears began anew, he smiled. He twined their fingers together, Riku's fingers merely a warm mist between his own.

"I...can't believe you're here," Sora said, trying to sniff back his tears.

Riku laughed a little, tightening his grip on Sora's hand. "You didn't think I'd leave you, did you?"

Sora let out a little laugh of his own. No matter how many times he lost Riku, Riku always found his way back to Sora somehow. This was no different.

"I miss you so much, Riku." Sora let his head bow again. It was such a simple statement, but his heart tightened at the pain behind it.

Riku moved closer to Sora, his free hand pressing up against the brunet's chest. Right above his heart. "You don't have to. I'm right here with you. Always."

Sora felt the faintest brush of lips against his forehead. He wanted to tell Riku how much he loved him, how much he wished that things didn't end up the way they did. But the words got stuck in his throat, a giant lump he couldn't swallow down.

Riku seemed to understand everything Sora couldn't say, if his hug was anything to go by. They sat like that far into dusk. And even when Riku's visible form vanished in the fading light, Sora still felt him there.

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Thanks so much for reading! xx

Until next time,  
Chibi


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